Saturday, August 1, 2009

Bronson Arroyo: King Of All Mediocre 3rd Starters

"Andro made me feel great, I felt like a monster. I felt like I could jump and hit my head on the basketball rim," -- Bronson Arroyo

"Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball!" -- Tom Hanks,
A League Of Their Own

"Are you crying? Is it because you're laughing so hard at something Bronson Arroyo said?" -- The first draft of that line.

Too good. I mean, he was feeling great! Not so great that he could dunk or do something actually cool. He was feeling so great that he could jump up and be clumsy and embarrass himself. But I know how he feels - when I got my Reebok Pumps, I was running so fast, I felt like I could slip on some marbles and then wet myself.

It's important to note that this isn't the first time Bronson Arroyo has said/done something hilarious off the field. In fact, it'd be way more notable if he'd done something amazing on the mound. To quickly summarize:

He's a wonderful actor.
He's a wonderful singer.
He's a wonderful hair-stylist.

Bronson Arroyo, keep doing what you're doing. Even though everything you've been doing has kind of been the worst, I still love you anyway.

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