Sunday, August 2, 2009
Movies Can Be So Much Better
Adam Sandler, I'm sure you live in a house as big as the one owned by your character in Funny People. I mean, you don't live alone - you have a wife and kids - so that's nice. But know that that house is made of "high pitched nonsense words" bricks and "unfunny things that remain unfunny even though you're singing them" mortar. Yuck. What you need to do is look at and learn from the performances in that movie by the RZA and Eminem, who both destroyed and proved once again that rappers are the best actors. Let's get some more rappers starring in movies! Here are some ideas for rapper-starring remakes, Hollywood. I don't need to get paid for these but you can build me a house of Sandler proportions out of "great ideas" aluminum siding.
Cam'ron in the 24 1/2th Century
This Daffy Duck cartoon, starring Killa Cam.
Doubt was pretty successful, but I think we can do better. Let's get Jay-Z in the Philip Seymour Hoffman role, Lil Mama in the Amy Adams role and Missy Elliot filling in for Meryl Streep. I also want Memphis Bleek to play the priest's hype man (I don't want to stretch Bleek too much and Hoffman's character totally had a hype man, right?).
Young Men In Black
Young Jeezy as Will Smith, Young Buck as Tommy Lee Jones.
Jeezy: You know the difference between you and me? I'm a good rapper and you are not.